Just so it's out there

So, as most or all of my few readers know, I've got some scary neuromuscular something going on. Started seeing a neurologist. I guess I'm writing this out here, as well as talking to folks individually, so that I can try to clear my brain and forget about it until my crazy tests in a few weeks.

I went back through a bunch of posts on this blog to try to track some of the moments when I've felt weak, since that's my primary symptom, which comes and goes in terms of intensity. All of a sudden that creepy dream about fungus in my leg muscle (which still provokes a very visceral reaction, I can see it and feel it and it's horrible) seems rather prophetic. Shoulda listened to the ol' subconscious and stopped writing off my worries as being "out of shape" a long time ago.

Here's the test that finally convinced me something real was going on: spread your fingers, and use the other hand to try to push them together, and resist that pushing. Do it on both hands... they should both be pretty resisty, with the dominant hand, of course, stronger. Well, my right (dom) hand, while still visibly bigger than the left, can barely resist at all. It's got no strength, for no reason.

So, at least my neurologist is supposed to be the best in town. Of course, it *is* a rather small town... But he certainly seemed incredibly competent, calm, and was open minded to all bizarro possibilities from rare genetic disorders to some parasite from Guatemala two years ago. But of course he couldn't actually tell me anything after just basic physical tests, other than that whatever I've got going on isn't common or obvious. So I have to go back in about three weeks to get some electrodes strapped onto (nerve conduction study) and poked into (electromyography) my body, get zapped and tapped and worked up.

I was thinking about calling to ask if it would be ok to bike over (if that would affect the test, since it's all about muscles and the office is probably a good 45 minute ride away), but now that I've just gone and googled the tests and gotten nervous again, maybe I'll try to have somebody go with me.

Oh, people! I'm scared.